It is Hard to Release Trauma
I am not here to say people cannot change. People can change. People have changed. But sometimes the fruit they produce are solid keys to how they have tried to “create” a change without truly being invested in it. Nor do they want to change for the whole transformation, but rather for the immediate satisfaction of how they keep their world safe in what they want and what they think they earned or deserved.
If some of us are truly called to the narrow road; the one where Christ says it is hard and it is not about all your wants, we must hold to that with in everything and with everyone.
There are toxic people and there are non-toxic people. This is not a trait qualifying salvation or not. Creation has divine mercy. It does not mean we all believe the same thing, but non-toxic people do not cause descension with your network of like belief people if they truly respect you. They will speak truth and what they see from a different perspective, but they will never make you choose their happiness over your covenant with the Spirit. Especially if those people are the closest to you.
It is hard for people to take off their rose-colored glasses sometimes when it comes to promises, marriages, close friends, and family. As if these events or people qualify a person to expose another to sustained years of trauma drip by drip with no consequence to the believer and non-believer alike. Trauma is not always a big shock; it can be caused over time with the little things. The small things. The tiny things you ignored at first. Like a slow addiction to a drug. Just a little and then one day you are in torrential waves of trauma and only when you are suffocating do you notice it.
Arguments happen, I get it. Life happens and there are rough patches, I get it. Things can be said that hurt deep, I REALLY get that one.
But…
It is no excuse for sustained trauma and quite frankly mental and spiritual abuse. I have been told it is not abuse when I point it out to people unless you are physically receiving something. I know this from experience and from being others sounding boards, all abuse will lead to physical consequence that is why none of it can be taken lightly. You can create more havoc on your body but trying to “hold it together” than you can imagine.
Years, if not a lifetime of doctor’s bills, I know all too well what explaining away abuse and allowing to stand in many forms can do to one’s health.
We have all abused or been abused at some point. We have abused others with power, words, actions, and emotional shutdowns.
The difference in an abuser is that they repeatedly work at degrading those around them to edify themselves instead of building a solid humble foundation that speaks far further through the ages than their accomplishments of self. They learn to navigate the waters of deception so that you do not see the next wave coming. The change in tactics keeps it fresh and confuses you.
Discernment and wisdom are weighty gifts. And I am not saying they are more important than other gifts the Spirit gives believers; I am saying that they weigh heavy on a soul. I honestly sometimes want to give them away. I have had midnight oil sessions with God about these gifts and why I must carry them. I have offered to give them to someone more worthy. I have begged for them to go to someone stronger.
Then I think, why did Jesus have to carry the Cross? He didn’t have to; he wanted to.
I must want to carry the hard so that a more tender soul does not have to. Hard to swallow, but I will swallow it none the less.
Now, as for sisters in Christ (I cannot speak to brothers, I am a sister) and certain ones that continue to think edifying and passing from one glory to the next is through total and complete sacrifice even sacrificing things or people you prayed into your life for the sake of “saving” one person that gas lights you; let me say, please stop. It hurts the Spirit. And when you hurt the Spirit, your spiritual family feels it. You first and foremost Covenant as a believer is to Christ.
It is not to man. It is not to the notion that you are completing a covenant you made to someone. Especially when that someone continually asks you to do things in deceptive ways that cause revolt in your life within you knowing full well on their side of the covenant that they made to you promises they uphold you as well and do not complete their covenant saved or not.
Call for accountability. Ask for healing and help from an outside source you trust. Keep pushing for new life if you must.
But…
When they digress again and again it is very clear they spit on the Spirit you carry and have carried from the beginning openly when they chose you. Ever stop and think they chose you to break you because they do it for sport? They might even know they do it for sport, but if they keep blaming you for traumas you never committed against them from their childhood it is time you refer them to help that YOU CANNOT give. You were NOT meant to ever give it.
If they do not respect you as a human in the most basic covenantal ways; financially, spiritually, conversationally, time commitment, and these all lead to physically, they are sent to destroy. The sin confessed of your own accord does not destroy your covenant. You are sacrificing everything in the “idea” you are being holy in keeping a promise is what eats your soul and keeps you having to circle back around to the same emotional breakdown, prayer request, “ah-ha” moment if you will under a convicting sermon.
Trust me, the breakdown is coming again. You can be on a mountain top right now with one or two things done to keep you happy, but happiness is not joy. Joy does not flourish with constant struggle, pleading, and cyclical behavior.
I know. I lived it.
Nor is it fair to the other party who is thrashing and fighting inside against the idea of what they promised. Life is life and most people are too sensitive or greedy to give up their ideals or comfort or what they think is “right” to attain true joy. Life has consequences, get used to it. Eternity is going nowhere because you finally exhale and allow the world to realize that this edifying mission you are on was never the one that God put you on rather your own self-righteousness keeping you there and beating on the brick wall where there never was a door.
Truth is truth and it does not change. Your happiness is fleeting and so is your heart. Your soul is what is iron. It is your true gift and make up. He that speaks through burning bushes is strongly speaking inside of you as the chosen over the raging storm you continue to let in. Stop letting the storm in and listen to your true covenant.
I know it will not disappoint you. You might think it will, but what disappoints you is how people see you with the façade in full view you have created because is the only thing you let them see. Stop spewing truth you do not live. Stop confessing them allowing the same issue to eat you.
First at home (Jerusalem), THEN to Judea (neighborhood), THEN to Samaria (city/country), THEN to the ends of the earth. If you cannot hold truth in the hardest place, those closest to you, then you cannot share true covenant with those furthest from you.
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